I thought about writing something about why being here at all is a bit ridiculous to begin with. Yesterday I left the house to go to an EPA and had to turn around after walking a block and a half to change my shoes because it was SO SLIPPERY out because HI it snowed on Monday while I was working a 13 hour shift outdoors. I then took an $11 cab to the E train at 53rd street (thinking this struck a good balance between cost-effectiveness and making up for lost time) to arrive at 8:10 or so for 9am sign up for a 10am call to be the 15th EMC on a list that by 5pm they hadn’t event gotten to. At least I wasn’t there all day; I was dashing around town carrying an excessive amount of stuff, including extra shoes which I never changed into because then I would have had to carry my snow boots. In almost two years I have yet to find the patience for a full day of waiting. Not worth it dude, not worth it. But we’re not going to talk about that… obviously. (For those of you who thought I slipped into a foreign tongue for a second there: don’t worry about it. We’ll talk NYC actor acronyms another time.)
Instead, I want to talk about online dating, because as busy as my schedule has gotten over the past few weeks, it has remained a prominent fixture in my life, and you know what? It’s really a lot like auditioning. You go online, maybe you use a number of websites, maybe you use just one, and you “submit” yourself to various roles (or people) you might be right for. (...And if you can’t spell or use proper grammar I probably won’t submit for you…) Sometimes, you go weeks without getting called in for anything and then all of a sudden you’ve got more auditions than you can possibly prepare for! You might have to turn some down. Sometimes you have two in one day! You probably go on a lot of them, and every now and then you get a callback. Though actually getting the part, well, those opportunities are few and far between.
By the way, Lena Dunham had this thought (wah wah I swear I had it first) but girl, let me tell you, you don’t even know.
|Ugh OkCupid is the worst.|
The other analogy I’ve made (somewhat to my chagrin perhaps) is that once you’ve gotten to the first date step, online dating is a lot like sorority rush. Now, this may not be an analogy that too many people identify with as I don’t know if seeking males online provides the same effect, but I mean, I almost feel like I should be taking notes on who I want to come back for second round. It’s too bad I can’t get all of my potential first dates in one room and have 30 of my closest friends talk to them in rotation for 5 minutes each and let them decide who they think should make it to house tours. We'll give you free hot cocoa and cider while you wait!
|Really, we're all lesbians.|
I have accidentally become a serial first dater. It’s like, the super innocent version of a slutty phase. And of course, all of the auditions and all of the dates feel like they’re happening at once. And I’m almost always wearing the same outfit. It’s clean, I promise!
But with all this being said I would like to make a note to my past/present/future online date. For all I know, you’re out there googling me right now. So, I want you to know that I am not any less interested in going out with you just because I'm dating a lot. Please don’t take it personally. Just like with auditions, it’s important to cast a wide net. You don’t want to put all your eggs in one basket. If I said I wanted to see you for a callback, I meant it. Besides, both parties have to think they’ll work well together before a casting decision can be made.
Also, I think I may be developing a rush crush, and whether you know what that means or not, trust me, it’s a good thing. Rush doesn’t last forever. Bid night may be here before we know it. Auditions, well, I suppose those do just keep on coming.
(For more casting call and audition antics, check out my new tumblr: Awkward Casting Calls.)