Monday, February 18, 2013

If a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?

After my post the other day, I got a few responses, and I think I was a little surprised. Which is quite silly of course, because if you post something on the internet in a very public way, well, someone is bound to read it. I don’t know that I thought anyone would. My gut reaction was to jump to defend myself, but then I realized, there’s nothing to defend, and having my thoughts on public display here is entirely the point. And if it makes me a little scared, that’s entirely the point too.

Writing in a private journal doesn’t have the same effect; that’s not putting anything on the line or anything at risk. That’s not opening up. If a tree falls in a forest and there is no one there to hear it, does it make a sound? I have spent too much of my life trying to be perfect and right and I am here to be open and honest and vulnerable and flawed. We are all human beings, we are all deeply imperfect. I am here to embrace that and to start being me.

And while yes, this is a whole lot of talk about ME and MY FEELINGS, I want this blog to be about you (all four of you) too. I don’t want what I write to read like an angsty twenty-something’s emotional ramblings.  (We won’t talk about how while drunk-drafting part of this post last night I just realized that emo is short for emotional.)  I want to create in a way that makes people think and respond. That’s why I act too. I won’t deny the enjoyment of being in the spotlight, but I act because I want to affect people, to reach them. If I ask you what you thought of a performance I’m not looking for praise or validation – ok, maybe a little – but what I really want to know is how that performance affected you, changed you. Granted, not everything is quite so profound or serious (and I don’t plan for this blog to always be quite so serious either) but even if something was light and silly, well, I’m hoping it made you laugh or smile.

And isn’t that why all artists create? It’s about expressing ourselves, sure, but it’s about striving to connect with other human beings through that expression. To show people, and to show ourselves, that we are not alone. That’s all we’re really doing as human beings, aren’t we? Constantly striving to connect. And here we are, I think we’re already succeeding. I had some thoughts, then you had some thoughts, and now I am having some more. We’re connecting. A dialogue is forming.

 I don’t think it’s a coincidence that this came up on my newsfeed while I was writing this post. 

A dam has opened within me, and I am so happy to share whatever flows forth with anyone who might come across this page.  Even if it means my computer savvy grandmother thinks I need help getting out of a funk (hi grandma!) Even if I do need to navigate the line of what really belongs in this space.  I am finding my voice and you, however many or few, are helping me do it.

Yesterday’s post inspired one of my best friends to reach out to me. He wanted to connect and to tell me that I made him think. My initial response was a little defensive towards his desire to see if I was ok, but I realize, wasn’t this a success? I reached someone and affected them, and if part of that effect was that another person wanted to reach back out to me to let me know that he is there for me, well, aren’t I lucky to have a friend like that?  And he left me with a beautiful quote, and left me to think some more.

“There is no distance too far between friends, 
For friendship gives wings to the heart.”

(I also got to think really hard about my affects vs. effects while writing this post.  So there's a bonus grammar lesson in there too.)

(P.S. I just started watching Bomb Girls and it is the BOMB.  And by just I mean I apparently managed to watch the entire first season in one day.  Hey, it was only 6 episodes.  I don't need to defend myself.)

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